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The second visit was a very personal visit for me.
We didn't take the group tour and instead were given time to explore on our
own and this gave a chance to try to take in other perspectives of the
camp. That second time I took a very rational stand on things and because
I didn't have the same kind of emotional reactions to the place, I began to
look inwards at myself.
With our visit, the group was never separated and
we seemed to be able to turn a stronger side because of this. Good or not,
we didn't have the personal space that I appreciated from the first two
visits. As a group, we seemed to change modes half-way home on the bus, as
if we made a rational decision not to show that we were being affected by
the visit anymore. I was very glad to get away from the whole group for a
while after we ate. This gave me the time to filter things and talk to a
friend about my feelings. Judging from a lot of the group's desire to
drink on the way home makes me feel like there might have been a desire to
escape and move on rather than to slow down and let things settle.
-You mentioned that sometimes you feel like you should be showing
emotions at the camp. Did you feel that pressure during our visit?
Yes, I felt that pressure, but not like I had on previous visits.
I'm too self-concious to not feel that way. I felt a lot closer with the
people in this group than I did my first time, so that made things a little
easier. This group was also not very emotional as compared with the
previous two.
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